Are you struggling with confidence when talking to women? Confidence isn’t about having all the answers or being the smoothest talker in the room. It’s about believing in yourself and the value you bring to the table. Yet for many men, the thought of approaching and talking to women feels like navigating a war zone. The self-doubt creeps in: What if I say something stupid? What if she doesn’t like me? What if I freeze up?
As a dating coach who’s worked with countless men, I can tell you that low confidence is something you can overcome. You’ll not only overcome it—you’ll transform your confidence in every area of life.
But here’s the good news: confidence isn’t a gift you’re born with; it’s a skill you build over time. Some people, during their childhood, build this skill naturally, and those are what we call naturally confident people. Others who are more introverted don’t build this skill as much. And like any skill, it gets easier with practice. So let’s dive into it.
Why Confidence Matters
Confidence is charming to women. It’s like catnip to cats. It’s what makes a man stand out in a crowded room. The energy itself is so magnetic that women can sense it. Confidence signals that you’re comfortable in your own skin, that you know who you are, and that you know what you bring to the table.
Women notice this instinctively. It’s about being outcome independent—it’s about projecting an energy that says, “I’m comfortable with myself, and you can be comfortable with me too, and experience the amazing experience of being with me.”
The key is to cultivate confidence and outcome independence.
The Foundation of Confidence:
When you are too invested in the outcome of something happening, you end up coming across as needy and desperate. That always turns off women. When your focus is on you having a fun time and not on the outcome of something, you automatically become more confident and show off your best self.
Your body language becomes more positive and confident naturally. You become naturally attractive to women because you do not give off needy vibes. Instead, you are just looking for a fun interaction, and if something happens, that’s awesome; if not, that’s also fine. You are still having fun.
Getting Comfortable
Confidence doesn’t grow magically when you decide to talk to someone. You also need a bit of warm-up when you are new to dating. And it starts with preparation. Just like athletes warm up before a game, you need to warm up your social muscles before diving into conversations.
One way to do this is by listening to your favorite song, dressing in a way that you feel most confident. Casually chat with a friend or someone you see at the club. These small, low-stakes interactions help you get comfortable, which helps you when you approach more people.
Rejection Isn’t the Enemy
One of the biggest barriers to confidence is the fear of rejection. But here’s the truth that men need to understand: rejection isn’t about you. She does not know you. It takes a long time to know you. So her rejecting you for a conversation has nothing to do with you. There are a million other variables why she didn’t wanna talk to you. Maybe she had a bad day, maybe she lost someone, maybe her dog is sick, maybe she ate something weird, or she already has a boyfriend. All these things have nothing to do with your self-worth.
Instead of letting rejection discourage you, see it as a learning opportunity. Ask yourself: What can I take from this interaction? How can I refine my approach for the next one? Every “no” is a stepping stone to a better “yes.”
Reframing rejection as feedback, rather than failure, frees you to approach women without being focused on the outcome. You just wanna have a fun time.
Lead the Interaction and Assume Attraction
Confidence means leading the conversation. Women hate leading, so if you are expecting a women to lead the interaction, then tough luck. Women are drawn to men who take the lead. When you assume attraction and lead the interaction, she will automatically go with the flow. Make sure to calibrate the interaction so she is comfortable.
For example, instead of saying, “What do you want to do?” suggest, “There’s this great coffee shop around the corner—let’s check it out.”
Leadership is one of the most attractive traits to women and definitely something you need to cultivate as a man.
Act Like You Already Know Her
One of the most effective ways to build confidence is to approach conversations with the mindset that you’re already friends. This shifts your energy from trying to impress to enjoying the moment.
Think about how you talk to your buddies—casual, relaxed, and without overthinking every word. Apply that same mindset when talking to women. Instead of viewing her as someone to “win over,” see her as someone you’re simply getting to know.
For example, instead of nervously asking, “Do you like movies?” say something playful like, “You seem like the kind of person who has a secret stash of guilty pleasure movies. What’s the most embarrassing one?”
This friendly energy is contagious, and she will reciprocate the same. This approach creates a sense of ease and familiarity, making her feel comfortable and drawn to your energy.
Practice Makes Confidence
Confidence isn’t something you think your way into—it’s something you do. The more you practice talking to women, the more natural it becomes. Yes mindsets do help and make it easier. But without action, all the thinking becomes meaningless.
Start small. Say hello to the barista, compliment someone’s jacket, or strike up a quick conversation with a coworker. Each interaction builds your social muscle, making it easier to approach women you’re genuinely interested in.
Remember, confidence is built one step at a time. So make sure to take action. And if you are really struggling, maybe you need the help of a dating coach. There is no need to reinvent the wheel. Just take the wheel design from someone who has done it before you.
Final Thoughts: Confidence Is a Mindset
At its core, confidence is about believing in yourself and the value you bring to the table. It’s not about trying to be someone you’re not—it’s about showing up as the best version of who you already are.
Talking to women becomes effortless when you let go of the need to impress and focus on having fun and showing the amazing life she can have if she comes into your life.
So, start today. Take that first step. Smile, make eye contact, and start a conversation. You don’t need to have all the answers—you just need to show up and take action. That’s the kind of confidence women are drawn to, and it’s the kind you can build with practice.
Taking Action:
And here’s the key, my friend: you gotta take action, my friend. You can’t just sit on your ass and expect women to come flocking to you like moths to a flame. Hit the gym, revamp your wardrobe, and learn how to groom yourself. It’s not rocket science, guys.
And go out and approach women. If you’re serious about leveling up your dating game, it’s time to take action. Invest in yourself. Looks do matter. So does your job, your choice of friends, your fashion sense, your hobbies, talents, and lifestyle. It all adds up to make you a complete package.
By taking action, meeting new women, learning to build social circles, having positive energy, and being the best you can be. You can easily have unlimited options in terms of dating and women.
And remember, this ain’t just about getting laid. It’s about being the best version of yourself. So, get out there, put in the work, and take no prisoners.
Now, get off your ass and start making those changes. If you need help, feel free to book a call with Kosmo and his coaches.