If you’ve been telling yourself, “I’m not tall enough,” “I don’t make enough,” or “I don’t look like a Calvin Klein model,” here’s some truth you probably haven’t heard:
That’s not the real reason women aren’t drawn to you.
Sure, good looks and money can grab attention and make her interested. But attraction isn’t just about initial interest — it’s about emotional connection and energy.
And if women are routinely brushing you off, ghosting you, or never seeing you “that way,” it’s time to stop blaming stuff and start asking the harder question:
“What is it about how I’m being that’s turning women off?”
Let’s dig into the real reasons.
1. You’re Focused on Performance, not being yourself
You walk up to her with a script of what you are going to say. You’ve got your opener ready. You have planned everything. You’ve watched 37 YouTube videos on “how to build attraction fast.”
And what happens?
She starts throwing curveballs at you. She senses the fake confidence, the fake lines behind your smile. The tension in your shoulders. The desperate, needy behaviour.
Women are intuitive. They read between the lines. If you are trying to fake your personality and be something you are not. It will repel her.
2. You’re Needy and want her to approve of you
Here’s a hard pill that you need to swallow:
Neediness is the biggest attraction killer on earth.
Doesn’t matter if you’re a six-figure earner with a six-pack. If you need her to like you to feel good about yourself, she’ll feel that, and her attraction will nosedive.
Because attraction isn’t just about what you offer — it’s about how secure you are in offering it.
If you get thrown off by her not messaging you or a shit test — you’re not showing strength, you’re showing weakness. By being needy and desperate, you show her weakness.
And weakness doesn’t feel safe.
And if she doesn’t feel safe, she can’t be attracted to you.
3. You’re Trying to Impress Instead of Express
When was the last time you told a story just because it was you, not because it sounded impressive?
Or shared something real?
Most guys show up like marketers pitching a product.
“I work in tech. I lift 5 days a week. I travel. I meditate. Did I mention I read Nietzsche?”
But that’s not what creates attraction. That’s what creates a dating resume.
Women aren’t looking for a résumé.
They’re looking for a vibe.
A man who’s secure enough to just be himself with no agenda is rare. And rare is attractive.
4. You Don’t Lead
Leadership doesn’t mean barking orders. It means creating direction.
- “Let’s grab drinks this Friday.”
- “This spot’s too loud. Come on, I know a better place.”
- “I’m into this, what about you?”
Leadership is confidence in motion. It says, I’ve got this.
If you’re always waiting for her to decide, or you keep saying “whatever you want” just to stay on her good side, you’re making her feel like she’s the one steering the ship.
Women hate leading in dating and relationships. And they will resent you for it.
That’s exhausting, and frankly, women will ghost you right after.
5. You Don’t Create Emotional Impact
Attraction lives in emotion, not logic.
Women don’t fall for facts. They fall for feelings and emotions.
That means your safe, polite, “nice guy” energy?
It’s killing the vibe.
Safe doesn’t spark anything. It doesn’t create tension, surprise, mystery, or depth.
You have to be willing to:
- Tease a little.
- Play.
- Push back with a grin.
- Flirt with confidence.
- Let her go
And if you’re not creating emotional spikes, she won’t feel much of anything at all.
6. You’re Missing Core Identity
Here’s a tough one: you don’t really know who you are. You don’t have passions, goals, and things that excite you
- What do you stand for?
- What excites you?
- What are your non-negotiables?
- What do you actually want in a woman?
If your vibe is “please just like me,” that’s not a man — that’s a boy chasing validation. And women hate being with guys like that.
A man with a clear passion and purpose? That’s hot to women. Women want to see that sparkle in your eye.
Women respect and crave a man who knows where he’s going — and isn’t afraid to walk alone if needed.
Taking Action:
And here’s the key, my friend: you gotta take action, my friend. You can’t just sit on your ass and expect women to come flocking to you like moths to a flame. Work on your inner self. Let go of the trauma that holding you back.
Hit the gym, revamp your wardrobe, and learn how to groom yourself.
And go out and approach women. If you’re serious about leveling up your dating game, it’s time to take action. Invest in yourself. Looks do matter. So does your job, your choice of friends, your fashion sense, your hobbies, talents, and lifestyle. It all adds up to make you a complete package.
By taking action, meeting new women, learning to build social circles, having positive energy, and being the best you can be. You can easily have unlimited options in terms of dating and women.
And remember, this ain’t just about getting laid. It’s about being the best version of yourself. So, get out there, put in the work, and take no prisoners.
Now, get off your ass and start making those changes. If you need help, feel free to book a call with Kosmo and his coaches.